How I Escaped the "Awkward Hair Stage" and How You Can Too!

Gentlemen, welcome to your zero-filler, no-cap, straight-to-the-point crash course on how I escaped the “awkward hair stage” and how you can too.  The reason I am writing this is because I was tired of hearing the same generic advice:

1. Be patient.
2. Protect your hair at night.
3. Keep your hair moisturized
4. Wait...wait...and wait some more.

And yes this advice is helpful (and definitely encouraged) but it doesn't solve the main issue of the awkward stage.  Which is, for lack of a better phrase,

“How do I look presentable and attractive when my hair looks like a wet dog.”

This is what we want to solve. 

“How do I make sure I still look good?”

Firstly, let’s establish what exactly is “the awkward stage.” (TAS) I’ll put it simply so we are all on the same page:

“The awkward hair stage is GENERALLY the phase in your hair journey when you hair is past the point of achieving an afro but still too short to start using hairstyles like man buns, afro puffs, or pretty much any style in which you can flex “look how long my hair is.”

Everyone has their own definition of TAS but this is my very basic straight-to-the-point version.  In this phase your hair may look frizzy, messy and just generally like you got struck with a bolt of lightning.

Trust me, I’ve been there and it is not fun. 

The hair part, not the lightning part.

You will find yourself wanting to scream “Screw this! I’mma just cut it all off and go back to waves.” And I wouldn’t blame you.  But just stick with me and you will be A-Okay. I got you.

This article is going to provide you with a month-to-month guide from day 1 to day 365 on what I learned and the mistakes I made. So that you can go on that upcoming date with confidence knowing that you look amazing from head to toe...especially the head.

Ready? Lets go!

Months 1 - 4

I want to make it clear that there is no magic spell or jutsu you can use to completely skip TAS. It’s physically unavoidable. To get to 10 you must first count to 5, and to get to 1000 you must first count to 100. It's simply how it works. However, this is simply my strategy to how I avoided teasing from the homies while getting from 1 to 1000.

The first 4 months are arguably the easiest, but also the longest. You are going to be overwhelmed with excitement, doing length checks every time you see a mirror.

Since your afro is just starting to take shape, there is relatively little to do in maintenance. 

However, there is a still a few points we need to cover 

Make sure you GET an OPTIMAL haircut.

This should go without saying but you need to be thinking ENDGAME! Meaning, don’t go getting a mohawk if you plan on getting cornrows or braids in later months. I’m not here to judge but you will get roasted. I advise either getting everything trimmed to the same height, or some type of fade or taper. 

BUT STAY CONSISTENT WITH THE HAIRCUT YOU GET. 

This is where I messed up, I got a taper the first month and ended up switching to a low drop fade around four months in.  Because of this, the hair in the back isn’t as long as on top-which can be pretty noticeable when you start to get braids.

Get a durag AND a bonnet.

That’s right you need both, no exceptions.  If you’re afraid that you might look “feminine” wearing a bonnet, don’t worry I got you covered. I offer MASCULINE Bonnets so that other black men feel comfortable embracing their coily hair while also keeping it protected.  The simple design and dominant colours make it so you can protect your hair and your pride at the same time. You can get yours today, by checking out our website Minority Redefined.

But back on track.

I could dive into all of the benefits of sleeping with a durag/bonnet but basically the material prevents your hair from losing moisture from your cotton pillowcase.

And as a result, it prevents your hair from becoming dry and brittle throughout the night, which leads to breakage. 

AND WE DON'T WANT BREAKAGE. 

The bonnet is for when your hair gets too long to fit comfortably in a durag. BUT DON'T GET RID OF THE DURAG YET. You're going to need it later on.

Establish a SIMPLE wash day routine.

Shampoo, Conditioner, Deep Conditioner. 

That’s all you need to focus on.  

Right now we are building the habits that you’ll need later on. I know it's tempting to want to get the “curl cream” and the EcoStyler Gel, but trust me it's not worth it to get into that yet.  Your hair isn't long enough to pull it off like those who are 10-12 months in. Be patient and develop a consistent routine, you’re going to be doing this no more than once a week. 

Also learn how your hair responds to certain leave-in conditioners and oils. We’re focusing on having healthy hair in these months before hitting TAS. For now keep rocking the afro, you can pick it out for the volume you want but make sure its moisturized so you can avoid ripping out strands.

One final thing before we continue to the point of no return.

DO NOT.

I REPEAT. DO NOT.

Ask your barber for a “trim.” I beg you. Your barber’s only purpose right now is to keep your fade looking clean and your hairline looking sharp. Other than that dont even use the word “trim.”

Don't THINK of the word “trim.” 

That is the easiest way to lose months of progress. (believe me, I lost a whole 0.5 inch because of that mistake, which is like a whole month of progress) 

For now forget about it, as we move into month 5.

Months 5 - 9

On average a person’s hair grows at a speed of about ½ an inch every month. So at this point you’ve got roughly one more month until you reach 3 inches. This is the time when you can finally start protective styles.

YAYAYAY! I can finally get two strand twists!

Well...about that . _ .

Remember our strategy is to look our best until we can start putting our hair away into puffs or low effort hairstyles.

Emphasis on our best. Now mind you, if you really want twists or box-braids go right ahead...but they aren't going to look the way you want. Or at least not how you expect. 

Chances are in the months prior to you’ve been conducting all the hair research you possibly could. Watching every single Wash-Day routine you could find, subscribing to all the natural hair channels like kxdsheldy, Juwan Gaines or King Bril. 

Am I close? 

And in doing so you’ve also seen ALL the wash-n-go and twist-out tutorials the internet has to offer. But these youtubers have been growing their hair out for years!

So we are going to take a different route. I advise you to avoid length-intensive hairstyles. By this I mean any hairstyle that is meant to show off “hang time,” that includes, box-braids, twists, wash-n-go’s etc.

Remember guys, we don't have the luxury that women have to get hair-extensions and not be judged. And as a general rule of thumb we are trying to avoid being ridiculed. That's the point of this article.

Which brings me to my next point.

Focus on FLAT protective hairstyles.

We are talking cornrows, flat-twists, braids, anything that is being braided close to your scalp. We want this for two reasons. Firstly, the focus is taken away from the length and placed on the style.

Get a crazy design or keep it simple, the choice is up to you. But either way you are going to look like a whole boss.  

The second reason brings us back to our ol’ faithful durag. 

See told you it was going to come back into play. 

And here’s why.

For the next few months you are going to be alternating braid styles. Meaning at the beginning of the month, your going to have someone braid your hair (whether you go to someone you know or a hair salon- YES I SAID SALON), and you’re going to keep that style in for the entire month (or at least 4 weeks), then you are going to take it out, let your hair breathe for a little while-and do it all over again.  

When your hair is in a protective style, the tension helps your hair to grow faster while also limiting breakage due to the low manipulation throughout the month.

So YAYAY your hair is growing quicker

However, you’re still going to want to keep up with your routine and deep conditioning, while also making sure to oil your scalp so it doesn't get dry. A dry scalp will cause flaking and look like someone sprinkled fairy dust on your head. Not to mention, your head will get really itchy. 

Not fun.

The reason we need the durag is because your new hair growth will start to interfere with the design and parting of your braids. Eventually it won't look as “fresh” or neat. To combat this, all you need to do is start using your durag for style in addition to wearing it when you sleep. It’s a really simple fix and if anyone asks, it's just a style choice.

Now obviously, you can choose to keep rocking the fro’ and it won’t look bad by any means. But from my experience wearing the afro out requires A LOT of maintenance. Making sure it’s the right shape, has the perfect volume and that each strand stays moisturized.

It's really just an unnecessary pain. But I’m just giving you a blueprint that you can build upon, so you look your very best.

Months 10 - 12

We’re FINALLY onto the home stretch. It's been a long and tiring road, but we are almost to a year.

This is your experimenting time. 

This is when I started to wild out, experimenting with wash-n-go’s and methods like “shingling” and “the rake method” At this point you have some length to work with so just go crazy, but I’m going to give you some advice on dealing with your own hair and managing yourself.

At this point you’ve already realized that you can't just wash your hair like you did when you were 4 months in. You have to DETANGLE now. And you’ve probably had some of that experience when going to the salon, but now you have to do it yourself. Now is the time to take advantage of working in sections, and for this you are likely going to need some hair ties or hair clips.

“The smaller the sections, the easier the process”

Do NOT try to “save time” by tackling bigger sections. All you are going to do is frustrate yourself more, especially if you have a tighter curl pattern. Take your time and don't rush, otherwise you are just going to be ripping out hair unnecessarily.

Also at this point, you can start to get length-focused hairstyles like box-braids or twists, because you’ll have some more length to work with but like I said this is your time to have fun.

If you choose to keep your hair in an afro I advise that you section your hair into 4 or more puffs when you go to sleep (with the bonnet of course). I find that this reduces “smushing” which makes your mornings easier because instead of picking out one HUGE puff, you can attack each tiny section one at a time.

Conclusion

Congratulations YOU DID IT! 

It’s your one-year hair anniversary and you successfully prevented yourself from looking like a hot mess. 

I hope this article provided some insight on the entire process and offered some value on how you can escape and avoid the awkward hair stage. 

Keep being consistent with your wash routines, experiment with different hairstyles and just embrace your natural hair. Until next time, make sure to visit my instagram @tarik.laroda for personalized inspirational messages or to learn more about the masculine bonnets that I offer.

Have a beautiful day!

Tarik LaRoda